The time has come to fit the pieces together. Lea and I have been in Merida for 15 months. The house is done. The move has been made. We are starting to connect with a few friends who are, more or less, on our same wave length. We have learned how to say no to invitations. We are entering a phase of our lives when all of our investment in learning, giving and saving pays itself back. It a time of discriminatory renewal.
It is time to dig deep and shine a light on who I am. Business, by its very nature, is a consensual tango that requires, to some degree, subjugation of one’s interests and talents in service to the client. I have been lucky since most of my clients have been representatives of a larger constituency: the public. Still, the public can be, at times, more demanding that a singular client. There is, at least in the public library sector, a timidity born out of conservative esthetic and financial interests. It imposes a strange conundrum–wanting to do the right thing for the future while trying to satisfy a “collective” will. Not a small feat.
Now, my only client is myself. I must begin by writing my own “program” for this last project: me. I do not write “me” as an expression of hubris or selfishness. I write me to express my interests in discovering a deeper connectedness to who I am and how I fit into humanity. Living here in Merida has taught me, in this brief 15 months, that there are as many continuities as differences between cultures. A laugh or cry sounds the same in Cambodia, England and Mexico. How people respond to joy, pain and grief is universal. It transcends cultures, language and ethnicity. It is universal. Digging deep to find my true responses to the universalities will, I hope, highlight my own humanity. And this, I believe, will ignite a new, albeit final, chapter of creativity. I look forward to looking deep–no matter how scary it might be.
This journey, it is hoped, will provide me with a gracious exit plan. The puzzle, it is hoped, will all fit together on that final day–whenever it may come. My deepest desire is to insert the last piece of the puzzle on the last day so my children and loved ones will be left with a complete picture. A picture of a man who lived a life of service to others then, in service to the next generation through discovering himself.